Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
