Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
