I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
