To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Its about making memories worth repressing
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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