the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
