Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize