i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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