I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
