Betty ford says i'm here all night
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
