i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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