Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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