Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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