More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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