hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
