I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
