weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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