I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
