My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize