i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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