I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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