just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
that's an acceptable place to lick
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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