Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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