Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
My vagina is very pro this idea
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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