he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
