I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
