cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
