I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
