It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
