living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
