I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
