end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
