I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Randomize
