where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
