Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Randomize
