apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Your cock deserves a montage
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
