Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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