I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
