well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
