At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
