id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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