i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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