"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
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