On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
