I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
