Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
