You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize