I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
