Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
