I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
