I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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