Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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