i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
He has the fingertips of a God
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
