You kept calling me your small dog last night.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Send help, water and tortillas.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
