All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
