There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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