i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
