you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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