You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
