Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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