didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You're like the curious george of whores
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
