you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
