I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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