My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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