Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
