he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
