I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize