There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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