I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
