Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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