Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Send help, water and tortillas.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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