He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You don't make any sense
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