We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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