I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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