i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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