PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
