Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
