You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize