i may or may not be watching the land before time
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
