you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
