all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
So squirting runs in the family.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
