Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
