i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
