kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
