i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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